The Call

This morning we got the call that everyone fears. My grandmother has passed away.

We shared a deep connection and I fiercely loved her. I am heartbroken beyond words.

She had been ill for a long time - much longer than she cared for. She was ready to go and had said so many times. I know with absolute certainty she is now at peace and pain free.

The conflicting feelings I have now are about "the call." It's just not the way I planned it to be.

I have known very few certainties in my life. From the time I knew Grandma's time was short, I knew THIS was the way it was going to go. She would decline - and the staff would call in her family. We would all arrive, encircle her, and she would pass peacefully - knowing her family surrounded her.

I also, KNEW without a doubt, that when she passed, I would know. I would sense it. No matter what.

It didn't happen that way at all. We didn't get the movie ending and I sleep through the night without any awareness or premonitions.

I guess I assumed we would somehow, someway find our way to each other to say goodbye.

Turns out - I am not the only person who has felt this way. No fewer than three people (just today) have shared their stories with me that are eerily similiar to mine. Our consensus is this: For whatever reason, God felt it necessary that our loved ones make that final journey without us. But, as an incredible hospice nurse put it "Without us maybe, but never alone."

I've found incredible peace in that.