My Response to "What's It Like to Have (Four) Kids?" ...

This question has come up more than once... and most recently this weekend. A happily married YOUNG acquaintance and I were having a conversation about kids. When to have them, how many to have, etc. AS IF you can schedule that kind of thing. Which you can't. Unless you are my friend Nicole. Anyway.

She asked me this question - "What's it like to have four kids?"

I don't know if she meant "having kids in general" or "having four kids." Personally, I think if you answer the "having kids" part ... "four kids" is just the same ... only more. Obviously.

I gave her some glib, off the cuff response. Even if I could think on my feet (which I can't), it's pretty hard to explain ... especially to someone who's never done it. Here's what I wish I would have told her.

Having kids is really just a study in contradictions. It can ... and will ... bring out both the best and worst in you. They can ... and will ... bring you both soul-bursting joy and the gut-wrenching pain. It's potentially the only journey you take not knowing anything about the route you will go.

There is little to no training, you're on duty 24/7 for the rest of your life, and there is no monetary reward. And, unfortunately, there are no do-overs if you screw up. Just apologies. And therapy.

Having children makes you stop and be more aware of things you weren't before: rainbows, roly-polys and mudpuddles. You also become obsessive about things you hadn't cared less about prior ... immunizations, chemicals in plastic bottles, and power lines.

Children can be ... and often are ... the links that connect you to the best friends you've ever had in your life. They are also the reason you invite those friends to have a glass (or bottle) of wine with you.

Certain things become endless ... diapers, laundry, dishes, meal preparations ... worry, pride, and love. "How to solve world peace" and "Who does she sit by at lunch?" become equally important. Absurdly.

Children somehow change you into someone you never saw yourself becoming... a multi-tasking, schedule juggling, laundry-doing, homework-helping, baby-food making woman committed to making sure everyone has enough exercise, snacks, friends, clean sheets and self-esteem to make it through the day. It's up to you to make sure you like that person too.

Certain things become priceless: clean air, pure water and freedom ... hand-picked dandelions, the smell of sun-kissed hair, the sounds of siblings giggling after the lights have gone off, and family movie night. With popcorn.

Your heart will soar with contests won, tests aced, and party invitations. It will break with team try-outs, "She won't play with me," and the death of a pet.

There will be days you go to bed each night thinking - "Do I really HAVE to do this again tomorrow?" But more often, you will go to bed asking yourself "Do I really GET to do this again tomorrow?"

I wish I could have told her that. But she'll find out. Soon enough. And all on her own.

8 Months Today!!

Really?

My calendar says Cooper is 8 months old today. My head has a hard time believing that much time has passed. My heart disagrees ... essentially feeling like he's always been here ... always a part of this family ... just a member we hadn't met until August.

He's a big kid now. He's rolling over both directions (finally), turning his nose up at baby food (puree is for amateurs), and starting to wave bye-bye (genius). He also has a great head of hair. It's not like infant hair. More like man hair. It even parts on the side like Barney Rubble.

He's good stuff. Enjoy some recent shots. At the rate I'm going, it may be awhile before you see some updated ones.

Easter Weekend 2009 - "It's Not About the Candy"

From our family to yours ... we are hopeful you had a blessed Easter filled with the glory of God and the message of hope Jesus brought to earth 2000 years ago.

Those of you who know our family well knows that Emma has traditionally gotten a little preoccupied with Jesus and the story of his crucifixition. It is something she has always taken to heart and it always upsets her - despite our best attempts.

This year, all the kids have a great (age appropriate) understanding of the true Easter Story and it was a delight to hear them discussing it amongst themselves. It went a little something like this -

"Hey - look at this rainbow colored egg."

"Claire, Easter's not about the egg - it's about Jesus."

(a little later)

"Awesome! ....I love Butterfingers!"

"Duh! Easter's not about Butterfingers either - it's about Jesus."

"Uh-huh - Jesus liked Butterfingers too - didn't He Mom?"

(Then, in true sibling form, an argument ensued about which candy bar Jesus liked best.)

Sigh. They get the idea.

We were able to spend some time at the Splash Universe Waterpark in Shipshewana with my parents and brother. The Easter bunny even left Nana and Papa a giant chocolate easter egg to bring for the kids. The kids were had a great time and the big kids haven't taken their wristbands off yet!

We finished off the weekend with dinner and an egg hunt with friends and kite flying in the backyard. We're all still talking about the "best Easter ever." And if anyone out there knows for sure whether Jesus prefers Reeses, Snickers or Butterfinger, I wish you'd let me know so we can move on.

Glimpses

So... Emma can read ... really well. And she can pull up our blog with no assistance. And read it.

So...she wasn't too keen on the last post regarding spring break. After my explanations of "sarcasm" and "journalistic license," I told her I'd apologize. Sorry Em. (But I'll still be waiting at the bus stop with a big smile on my face tomorrow morning.)

The REAL story about spring break came in glimpses. Because we did a "staycation," this week, I was able to really spend some quality time with the kids. We got a chance to concentrate on some new skills that gave this mama a bit of bragging rights. And I caught some glimpses of the new and exciting impending new stages in their lives.

For a girl who honestly doesn't care what kind of disastrous state her room is in, Emma is really turning out to be a TREMENDOUS help in the babysitting department. She is very responsible with Cooper on a daily basis...and she showed extraordinary care and attention when watching our dear friend Hannah Claire this weekend. Watching her balance Cooper on one hip or explaining potential dangers to the younger ones makes me unconsciously flash forward to when moms (like me now) are calling her to babysit. I think she'll be ready. And I'll be honored.

Glimpses.

Grayson is leaping tall buildings in a single bound. Really. He's riding with bike with no training wheels like he's done it his entire life. This skills has led to some incredible bike rides - just he and I. The talks we have when it's just us ... and the way he stops his bike to pick up a worm on the sidewalk and throw him back into the grass ("because that's where his family is")....melts my heart. He's also reading. Entire books. At night now he often reads to me ... it's hard to tell who is prouder. But I know it's me.

Glimpses.

Claire is most content to be here at home. With me. Doing her favorite things. In her comfort zone. Lately though ... she's expanding that zone. Slowly. As is her way. In ways I don't think she'll notice. But she does. Several nights this week I've overheard her telling Blue Bear (her lovey since she was two weeks old), "Today I _____ and I was scared... but I did it!" You go girl.

Glimpses.

Cooper. I'm trying hard to pay attention and commit it all to memory. His babyhood is so precious...and he's moving incredibly quickly toward toddlerhood. I'm getting glimpses of his "boy face" this week in his profile ... or when he's sleeping on his side ... just like his brother. Each phase only lasts so long ... and as parents, we are always excited and sad to see one end and another begin.

I mentioned Hannah earlier. We got to spend some time with her yesterday while her parents attended a function. We hadn't seen her in a while and she'd really changed. That fast.

Her parents are seeing glimpses of impending changes in their baby girl. Click here to read about it. If you know me at all, it will make you laugh outloud. Because the baby whisperer probably never has to apologize to her eight year old daughter for being sarcastic on her blog.

Spring Break

Well, it's Friday night and the kids are in bed. My billing reports and progress notes for work are finished and emailed in to the appropriate people. I planned on filling you in on all the witty and fun things the kids and I accomplished this week.... this loooooong week while ALL of them were off school. But I won't. I'm too tired.

Suffice it to say that nothing screams "BIRTH CONTROL" like spring break.

In fact, if I were in charge of high school curriculum, I would suggest that all high schoolers spend a few days babysitting families when all the kiddos are home for a week. With their other siblings. With NOTHING to do. In cold, rainy weather. Listening to things like "He hit me." or "It's my turn." Over and over and over.

Yep. Planned Parenthood should have a video of my house this week.

Only three days till Monday.

More Pics of Girls' Weekend...

On the 8th day, God created ....

girls' weekends. I'm sure of it.

I just returned from a great example of what girls need to rest and rejuvenate. My husband arranged for me to spend some time in Milwaukee with some girls I used to work with when we lived there. It has been almost nine years since I moved away, but I wasn't worried. With this group, we have an uncanny ability to pick up right where we left off. I consider it an indication of true friendship. Well, that ... and the fact that they relish a good fish fry and cocktail as much as I do. It is Wisconsin after all.

It was a wonderful 48 hours ... packed with fish fry at Trocadero, a relaxing stroll around Cedarburg (one of my favorite little towns on the north shore), an open house at Cedar Creek Winery, shopping at Bayshore mall, and fantastic food all along the way. Not to mention cosmopolitans and pomegranate martinis....

Did I mention the hotel room? Adjoining rooms with FOUR full sized -sleep number beds. With no husbands, no kids, and no pets taking up space or covers. Wowee! That ALONE would have been nirvana for this mama. But it got better! Add in a pool, hot-tub, and a fridge stocked full of wine, crackers, CHEESE (you just knew that was coming didn't you?) and uninterrupted girl talk. Ahhhhh.... heaven.

We topped it off with brunch at Lake Park Bistro. Despite living in that area for eight years, it was my first time there. After eating all weekend, I wasn't sure I would fully appreciate the food or experience so I suggested we skip it. The girls wouldn't hear of it. I'm so glad they insisted. The bistro overlooks Lake Michigan and that body of water on a sunny day still takes my breath away. The cuisine is French, the waitstaff is wonderful, and the flavors are divine. So are the mimosas. If you're ever in town ... I highly recommend it.

It was hard to leave. Really hard. Milwaukee is a great place to live. Even greater place to visit. So much to see and do ... especially without the kids. But I missed the kids ... and the great guy who sent me to see my friends. And stayed home with all four. On our anniversary. So, after flipping a coin, I came home.

The good news? I didn't get to see it all. And since it only takes 3 hours and 45 minutes to get there from here (if you don't stop and Chicago traffic is light), I'll probably get to go back again.

Monte, thank you. Love you. Lori, Amy, Ann, and Cathy - thank you. Love you too. Let's not make it so long until next time.

Happy 8th Birthday Emma!

When Emma gets off the bus after school today, she will be 8 years old. Or, as she told me last night, halfway to sweet sixteen. Gulp.

There are definitive signs she is growing up. Today, I told her I would bring her a special birthday lunch .. and not subject her to the "ultimate pizza snack" offered via the school cafetorium. She's apparently outgrown Happy Meals ... opting for a ham and cheese from Subway. For dinner? Vegetable lo mein please. I'm just glad she hasn't discovered sushi.

She chose to host a sleepover for four of her friends instead of pushing tokens into obnoxious video games at a pizza toting restaurant with a large mouse on it. She's "so over" Chuck E Cheese.

We also did the gift shopping a little differently this year. She made a list of items she wanted for her birthday - along with how much they cost. Then we talked about the birthday budget. Given that budget, it was her responsibility to come up with what she wanted and could afford. It completely did away with the whining, gave her complete control over what gift she chose, and made her appear very grown up, especially when she asked if she could use the money to attend some art classes. Uhh...sure. But don't you want to go buy candy?

All this growing up is a little hard to take. That's why I was soooo glad when the sleepover girls selected BOLT as the movie to see at the theatre. There's just something special about a bunch of giggling girls and an animated movie that makes things slow down just a bit. Even if it only lasts 90 minutes.

Happy Birthday Emma. No rush to 9 right?

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

Other than turning another year older, yesterday was a pretty great day. I woke up and made a conscious decision NOT to focus on inching closer to the big 4-0. Instead, I remembered something a former patient once told me about how he celebrated every birthday - up into the 80's (he never did tell me how old he actually was). His advice? "Every year on your birthday, TAKE STOCK. Think GENERALLY about all the things you've accomplished in your lifetime ... then think SPECIFICALLY about the things you've done just in the past 365 days."

So, I took stock. When I actually took the time to think about the new experiences, great friends, and new baby that have come into my life this year, I was so humbled and grateful God blessed me with these past 12 months.

I got to see four of the cutest little kiddos on my caseload. I listened as my kindergarten boy read me five books all by himself. I ran five miles on the treadmill (a new personal best). I relished in my homemade cards from my kids (and one from Claire's BFF as well). I started on a list of songs I want on my new Ipod shuffle. And ... I started on my application to volunteer for Operation Smile. It's been something I have ALWAYS wanted to do. It was so inspiring to look through the stories and list of countries - knowing that someday, I could actually DO THIS. I've got some work to do to be a certified volunteer. But... I've taken the first step. Stay tuned.

Thank you to all of you who have called, emailed, or sent cards. It's nice to be remembered. I'm blessed to have you.

How Cool Is Covington???

I love my kids' elementary school. Seriously. Love it.

It currently has 734 enrolled children ages 5th grade down to kindergarten. That's roughly equivalent to half of my hometown. It was very daunting when we first moved here.

It doesn't feel quite that large anymore. Because of reasons like this.

Yesterday, I was in the office writing ANOTHER check for lunch money. I get to do that every time a brightly colored, typewritten piece of paper labelled "cafetorium" shows up in either backpack.

The art teacher (who is SUPER) recognized me and mentioned she was surprised Emma was only signed up for one "enrichment" class. Enrichment classes are fantastic short-courses in just about everything the kids have the option of attending after school. Everything from fun foods to fly fishing to foreign language to bunco. No kidding.

I told her Emma simply couldn't narrow it down to below six (which would have cost about $200.00) so I had simply chosen ONE for her. But how nice of her to notice.

She volunteered that only one other second grader was signed up for "Italian Street Painting." Ironically, that little person is a good friend of Emma's. Wouldn't it be cool if they did it together? Indeed.

I mentioned it to Emma. She's all signed up. And elated. About learning how to "paint Italian street murals." Per the syllabus.

I think I just shelled out $10.00 for Emma and her friend to sidewalk chalk while being supervised by the art teacher.

The things we do for love. And super-cool elementary schools. And art teachers who remember both you AND your kid.

Cooper's New Trick

Our littlest guy is now eating puffs! Not only that, but he's feeding himself! Not always accurately (see above photo where the puff is on the sleeve) but .... he's doing it.

I'm not sure how I feel about this latest development. Of course, it's a GREAT distraction that will allow him to separate from mommy for longer periods (I envision myself doing dishes or going to the Y in the future) but it does mean he's growing up. Quickly. Even more quickly because I'm busy with the other three and can't just sit and hold him all day. Absorbing and archiving every milestone. I wish I could.

Today, I'm just snapping pictures and handing out puffs. The laundry, dishes, and dog grooming appointment be damned. I can't miss this.

My Own Cat in the Hat ...

Grayson's Kindergarten class celebrated Dr. Seuss' birthday this week. He actually asked me to put this picture on the blog - note the "cat-like" pose. =)

I thought maybe this would entice him to read Hop on Pop to me at bedtime. No dice.

It did, however, lead to a great discussion with Emma on pen names. I revealed to her my own secret wish to write under the pen name Lucy Brewer. Don't ask me why - I was all of about ten when I came up with it. She found that fascinating so now she's coming up with one of her own ... and putting quite a bit of thought behind it. So much so, that we are still narrowing it down. I'll have to let you know.

Six Months Old!

Cooper's now six months old ... and has been for a few weeks now actually. I know... I know ... this NEVER would have happened with the first baby. I've accepted it.

A few updates (since he STILL doesn't have a baby book) ... he's sitting up now but is still pretty wobbly and can't yet right himself consistently. The siblings are VERY amused by him falling over and liken it to the funniest episode of Tom and Jerry. At present, the "under-8" crowd is very into physical comedy and potty noises.

Cooper also has two teeth. I've been trying for a while to get a good picture of them .. and I think you can see them nicely in one of the pics above. I think he wins the award for earliest eruption of teeth. Emma was a full 9 months older than he was when hers came in.

He still sleeps on his tummy but is now rolling over from tummy to back. While this is certainly an exciting skill, it has complicated the sleeping considerably. Because ... he can't figure out how to roll back over to go to sleep. The last week or so ... we've been "summoned" in the middle of the night to discover our little "turtle boy" face up in the crib.

He's eating rice cereal and has had bananas twice. He's not lovin' it yet .. but does tolerate it. Spoon anticipation is coming in nicely ... but he's not yet showing tons of interest in more solids.

So far, he's the biggest snuggler of the four... and has recently developed significant addictions to "taggies" and his mama.

He's just recovered from a yucky cold and has had two ear infections in six weeks. His smiley personality is back .... and we're hoping he decides to go back to sleeping though the night any time now!

I just love those eyes of his ...

Martha Stewart Would Not Be Proud

Disclaimer: My house is usually fairly clean and orderly. Usually.

I feel like I should post a sign on the front door reading "Enter at Your Own Risk."

The dangers involved are varied - if you step into the kitchen, the stack of dishes in the sink may fall on you. If your shoes stick to the kitchen floor, it's just errant pineapple juice. Don't worry. It's on the "to-do" list.

In the dining room, the glorious (and expensive) solid oak, Amish made table is no longer suitable for serving guests, but is stock-piled full of girl scout cookies, laundry piles, swimming bags, and homework assignments. It is hazardous to get past.

The house is a mess. But as long as you are here, feel free to sign the guestbook. Or, write your name in the inch thick layer of dust on the glass entertainment center. Right under where the kids have been playing tic-tac-toe.

A Tale of Two Swimmers...

Emma and Grayson both swam (for competing teams) in a meet today and I got to go watch! They did it last weekend too ... but I sent Monte and my mom then. Cooper and Claire just aren't up for four or five hours poolside.

It was a "swim your own age" meet. Great idea - as the kids are somewhat more evenly matched. I was able to sit with people I knew and each had seven and five year olds. Even better . . . we all cheered for our own kids, each other's kids, and all the kids who gave it their all ... even when they came in last place.

I hadn't seen Emma swim outside of practice in months and I was amazed by the progress she's made in her strokes .. especially butterfly and breaststroke. She swam six or seven events (I lost count) and was pretty tired at the end ... but she gave it her best shot... even in the final relay (where I saw an unprecedented burst of speed and spirit of competition).

Last night before bed she was pretty nervous about the 100 I.M and kept repeating the order of the strokes in her head ... hoping they would stick. I was a little worried for her too - that's ALOT to remember ... even when you haven't been at the pool for four hours and swam several events. When I saw her face as she took her mark, I almost couldn't watch. She looked pretty shaken. She did it ... and finished second in her heat. I didn't see the judge's hand go up to disqualify her .. but it may have. When I saw her come out of the water smiling like she was, it just didn't matter to either of us. To us, it was the most perfect IM ever swam.

Grayson had a fun day too. His confidence grows with each meet he attends. He swam a 25 in all four strokes. It wasn't always legal ... or pretty ... but it was a vast improvement over the beginning of the season ... when he didn't know a butterfly from a breastroke. It just cracked me up the way he touches the wall, then flips his goggles up and looks at the scoreboard. He has no idea what he's looking at .. but that's what the big kids do ... so he does it too!

At the end of the meet, his coach did a little group huddle that brought a tear to my eye. It was the end of his season. I can't say enough about his coach and his group of five year old boys. It takes a special lady to take those boys as far as they've come this season. Thanks Terri! Heaven awaits you. Undoubtedly, so does a stiff drink.

The way the heats were arranged, there were a few times Emma and Grayson were close enough to talk. Once, she even gave him a little pep talk and a high five when it was his turn. Fellow parents, it just doesn't get any better than that.

We finished off the day with a lunch at Steak and Shake - their new favorite. Over cheesefries and milkshakes (and without a baby or preschooler to distract us), I got a chance to really listen to them. They've learned new vocabulary, made new friends, acquired new skills, gained new confidence, and have pride in their progress. Our conversation reassured me that I'd made the right decision - taking them to practices - even when they'd rather watch Scooby Doo.

They may have been faster swimmers at the pool today ... but there were no prouder mamas.

Valentine's Weekend

We're having a wonderfully busy Valentine's weekend. Friday night I got to spend some time with Hannah Claire (oh, and her parents). Saturday morning came very early for Emma and Grayson as both were swimming at the same meet - but for different teams. I didn't go as Cooper and Claire would be less than appreciative of the long day and hard bleacher seats. But Monte and Mom were really proud of how both kids did. Preliminary results indicated Emma now has legal times in breaststroke and possible butterfly! That would be a big deal as she's been working really hard not to be "DQ'd" (disqualified). She also swam a 100 yard freestyle (that's four lengths of a pool). I don't think I could do that anymore. Grayson was proud of his 25 yard freestyle and backstrokes too. I think the best part of the meet for him was playing his Nintendo DS with the other little boys.

Last night Monte and I went to see Collin Raye in concert. It was my fourth time seeing him and while he has less hair and more belly than he did the last time, I am still blown away every time he opens his mouth. The man can SING! The theatre was in the round and very intimate. It was a great way to spend a Valentine's evening.

Cooper's Big Week

It's been an exciting week for the little guy. In addition to sprouting his first tooth (we were hoping that was the reason he was drooling so much), he just started rolling over!

Disclaimer: He's only rolling from tummy to back. While none of our children have set records in the gross motor department, I suspected Cooper would take even a bit longer to roll over. He's chubby. He's laid back. Ok - very laid back. And ... well .... dare I admit to this ... he sleeps on his tummy. So, when you lay him down for some "tummy time," he immediately closes his eyes and starts his sleepy song. Not much motivation to roll over.

The kids have been tutoring him for a few weeks now. It's hilarious. They all get as close as they can to him and roll around saying "Do this Cooper. Do this." I love to watch his face during all this and wonder what he must be thinking ... "And they are worried about me???"

Father Daughter Dance 2009

Last night was the Father Daughter Dance put on by the Girl Scouts. It was Emma's and Monte's second year in attendance and Emma even more excited than last year ... because she knew what to expect I think. Then again, it may have been the promise of cheese fries at Steak and Shake after the dance....

The hunt for the dress was not nearly as traumatic as last year. She loved her Christmas dress so she donned a sweater and off she went. For a chuckle, check the blog archives for last year's post. Not only does Emma have her baby teeth but I was still parenting by bribing. Amateurs!!!

There's nothing quite like watching a Daddy helping his little girl put on her wrist corsage. It puts a lump in the throat and some tears in the eyes.

As I took the pictures this year on the steps (as I did last year), I got just a small glimpse of what it will be like for homecomings, proms, etc. Wow. I hope her date has as much patience as her daddy. And that he likes cheese fries and strawberry milkshakes too.

Overthinking Things

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemosabe, look towards sky; what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all powerful , and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What does it tell you, Tonto?"

"You dumber than buffalo. Someone stole tent."

I've been the Lone Ranger a bit these past few weeks. Overthinking, overanalyzing, overworrying. This is not unusual for me - but something I'm working hard on minimizing. The answer usually is just that simple. And if you spend too much time thinking about something, someone just might steal your tent.

I'm Entirely Too Old for This ...

but I couldn't care less. I am totally and completely sucked into this series. I never saw it coming - even with my utter addiction to Harry Potter. I should have known. It all started the same way.

All my cute little teenage babysitters have been raving about these books forever. They all gushed about the movie when it came out and peppered their conversations with "Edward and Bella" this and "vampire" that. I tried to give it the benefit of the doubt, but it all sounded juvenile to me. When my grownup friends (I use that term loosely) started to get hooked, I thought it may be worth another look.

I read the first one in less than 24 hours. I practically accosted the babysitter when she brought the second one into my house. She let me borrow it. Like she had a choice.

I devoured that 600 page book like it was a triple fudge brownie. No remorse.

I ignored laundry, work, and my kids until I knew ... really knew... that Edward had returned and Bella was safe. Oh brother. It sounds even more pathetic when I type it.

Anyway ... I don't have the third one yet. I've been trying to be adult about it .. but I'm starting to get irritable and short-tempered. Not unlike some of the stars of Celebrity Rehab.

I'm not proud. Just honest.